Jesse Helms

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The Democrats are
all wife-swapping lesbians
with socialist kids

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I’m so old-fashioned
I still believe in marriage
and cannibalism

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Conservatism is
a hard choice for people who
don’t smoke cigarettes

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It may surprise you
to know that I advocate
horsewhipping infants

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A Vietnamese
and a Latino: really,
what’s the difference?

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I tried at every
point to seek God’s wisdom, but
He was with Dan Quayle

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Homosexuals,
vodka and abortion: the
fruit of the U.N.

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